thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
