Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
