I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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