why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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