friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
