Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
