In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
