we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
