i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
