so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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