I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
