only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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