By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
