Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
