I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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