do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
