A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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