She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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