and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
