So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
