I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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