So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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