Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
