; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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