well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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