You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
worst night to have a conscience
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
