I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Come on in and take your pants off
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
