Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
