dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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