How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
