Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
