Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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