It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Can I color on your dick again?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
