my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
they need to just BURY HIM!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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