I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
