i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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