my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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