Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
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