They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
P.S. I can't hear my feet
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
