i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
