he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
