i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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