The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
