i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
