no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
