I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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