im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
