it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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