I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
