those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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