I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
where am i from again
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
