My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
