between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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