it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
