When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
