I want to make a zoo with you.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
