I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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