dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
